Sewer crews in North Carolina discovered what was just dubbed “The most disgusting thing ever” by me. These things were apparently filmed under the streets of Cameron Village, NC (Run!). The nipple-esque pulsating node is hard to even look at, but when you press play, be prepared for that filth to increase like a million times. This thing is so disgusting I can barley write right now, it’s like a nightmare or something worse than a nightmare. Rumor has it that the Vatican is debating whether there is a God or not after watching the video…

The video has been making the rounds of the science world where people who seek out filth and poke it with forceps have put forth various theories. Among the leading contenders are aliens, the actual Dick Cheney and Tubiflex worms. I’m not sure what Tubiflex worms are but I do believe they should be hunted down and exterminated, purely for aesthetic reasons, but so should Cheney (zing!), although Cheney fights back (double Zing!). I think in the movie The Blob they nuked it, although this thing looks like it could handle a nuclear assault.  Chemicals seem like a tame way to handle this thing too. Maybe we should send Dick Cheney in with his trusty gun “Justice” to duke it out with this thing for supreme ruler of darkness. I would put my money on the blob because surely it has more heart than Cheney, and heart is good and good always wins, right?